”And yet, I also have friends, particularly lady friends with older daughters, who say dating offers a new kind of “mommy and me” bonding experience — the mommy-daughter dish moment — and it appears the best dishing comes from the worst dates.My own experience may be unusual, but when I moved into a new apartment following the end of a long marriage, my college-age son gave me an interesting housewarming gift: a box of condoms! Rather, it was his way of telling me that dating — and more importantly sexual attitudes and risks — had changed significantly since I was last “out there” in the late 1980s. ’ may reflect a child’s angry response to a parent they perceive as acting more like a roommate than a parent.”Google allows us — and our children — to do a quick search on our dates and our companions.Here’s a snippet of conversation between a single parent and their 17-year-old. ”“It’s a long story.”“What do you mean it’s a long story? It’s an almost standard conversation between parent and child about dating. ”Many of us — the dating divorced — find ourselves experiencing a very interesting role reversal as we head out the door on a weekend evening. But I’ll probably be back late.”“Who are you going out with? Someone you don’t know.”“Where did you meet this friend? Such are the joys of dating when you have an older teen/young adult under the same roof, watching as you come and go, watching (or at least wondering) with whom you go out and with whom you might come back. Why do you continue to annoy me with these questions? This is important in determining whether or not you’re willing to go through with the relationship.However, a divorced man can’t just erase his ex-wife from his memory and his life. And in these families, the parents put their relationship before the kids.Another’s girlfriend eventually broke up with him after several years because he rarely made time to spend alone with her, instead expecting constant family time with his son.
And yet, with our children tracking our every move, many of us now find ourselves with the one thing we didn’t expect: a new “parent” watching as we walk out the door — wondering when (at what time and perhaps with whom) we’ll return. I don’t take it too seriously — until she wants me to meet the guy. Marrying was a big transition, since his new wife has kids and we spend holidays together.
He already had two children already and even though in the first instance he said he wanted to have another with me, I knew that he had started to change his mind 3 months in as I could sense it and I ignored the signs as I didn't want to face the consequences of that outcome.
Instead, confront your situation head on (if you want kids with a divorced guy) especially if he has children already.
Women are certainly guilty of putting their kids ahead of their partner — maybe even more so than men, especially since they are nearly always the primary care giver in the event of divorce.
But in this moment when men are struggling to claim their place as equal parents while society expects divorced dads to be the lackadaisical weekend father, I get why you are compelled to go overboard with your expressed devotion. If you are indeed ready for a real love, create a space for her.